Have you ever had a moment where you're wondering if you can trust your own memories? I'm having that at the moment and i'm so scared, how can I trust anyone?
I repress a lot from my childhood, why not? There's nothing i can do about the past, its gone, i cant change it and even though it made me who i am, it shouldn't hold me back from a worthwhile future. I disassociate myself from who I was then, I've made different choices and learned not to trust those who can hurt me.
The thing is instinctively I shy away from men, they are only friends, can only be friends and its extremely difficult for me to get into relationships. For years I wondered if it was due to parental mind games.
I met my cousin for the first time in about 20 years. My parents dont get a long with ANY siblings hence the lack of contact. Anyhoo i recently became friends with my mum's sister. My cuz is into tatts and piercings like I am and i was able to have a civil conversation with him. I get home and my parents are epically disapproving, I shrug it off based on the fact my cuz looks a bit rough due to the body mods and my parents are snobs. Finally mum strongly hints that he did something to me as a kid and dad lost his shit at the time.
"Did something" .... fuck that
Time to go back into therapy
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